Thursday, August 05, 2010

You know you're a flight attendant if...

NOTE: The post below was originally published three years ago on Cabin Crew News, where it became a perennial favorite. It's just as relevant and funny today as it was in 2007, so when I merged the Cabin Crew News archive into this blog, I decided to move this item up and publish it anew.


This list came to me as an email pass-around, and to be honest, it's the second or third time I've seen it. Nevertheless, I thought it would be fun to post here. I wonder which of these would seem mysterious to people outside of aviation? Probably the same ones that make flight attendants laugh the most!

You know you're a flight attendant if...........
  • You never unpack
  • You look to the ceiling when your doorbell chimes
  • You wish you had jet engines mounted in your bedroom so you could fall asleep faster
  • You don't ever write a full city name (and it bugs your non-aviation friends): DTW MCO FCO BOM
  • You get excited over certain types of ice
  • You silently curse every Bose headset-wearing dude -- ("Yes, the electronic device announcement means you, sir.")
  • You know how to look fresh in 5 day old clothes
  • No matter how many times you clean out your suitcase you still find ancient hidden treasures in there
  • You HATE boarding
  • You LOVE deplaning
  • You have figured out that turbulence is not caused by clouds but by the initial movement of all meal carts
  • You can't believe that people let their babies and toddlers play on the floor of the aircraft cabin -- ewww, nasty
  • You remember the passengers with great manners (that's sad)
  • You can't remember when UM's actually became bigger than you
  • You love foreigners because they can't adequately complain in English
  • You have to turn your head when you see a passenger in stocking feet enter a lavatory
  • You secretly cheer when another flight attendant has to deal with the medical emergency
  • You HATE on board duty free
  • You can't stand the frequent flyer who says "I fly more than you..." (yeah, right)
  • You hate running into your passengers at your layover hotel
  • Blankety-blank tray stackers!
  • You hate when the heavy drinkers start flirting and calling you by name
  • You long for the days when it was easy to rig the TV for free movies
  • You want to smack the nail clipping -- finger nail polishing -- nose picking -- snoring passengers
  • You want no passengers talking to you while you are non-revving
  • Even when you are not working a flight, you travel in uniform for the liquids, creams and gels exemption
  • If passengers can't find the flush to the toilet -- they should stay in there till they do!
  • You wish you had a button to press that would announce, "No I don't have a pen"
  • You are excited to find a can of different soda that is not supposed to be on your airline
  • You could scream when people use an empty seat to change their baby's diaper, and don't even put a blanket underneath the little one -- worse yet, they ask if they can change the baby on the floor of the galley!
  • You know a meaning for "crop-dusting" that has nothing to do with agriculture
  • You cruise the aircraft after all the passengers have deplaned to find the discarded magazines and paperback novels before the cleaners get them
  • You can spot the cover of a new crossword or sudoku book on an airport newsstand rack from 50 feet away
  • You hate early morning departures -- Who in the hell HAS to fly at 6 AM?
  • You wish every airline manager actually WAS a flight attendant at one point in their life (this goes double for flight attendant supervisors)
  • You can't believe the senior F/A at your airline is in their 80's (doesn't matter what airline they all have them)
  • You try not to go to the bathroom on the plane but you sure can catch a good nap in there
  • You hate that passengers think they can hear you without taking off their headsets
  • You are glad there are no hidden cameras in the galley
  • Your non-aviation friends truly don't get the commuting part: "So you have to fly when and your trip starts where??"
  • YES, "Remain seated for the duration of our flight" DOES mean YOU
  • You can't figure out why your manager is not held accountable for the same things you are
  • Your jumpseat partner knows more about you than your spouse or life partner
  • You have at least 6 items of your own you could add to this list
  • You had a memory for all of these, and understood every one.
And you can identify with this Nicoderm Commercial:



If you have any more items to add to the list above, you're welcome to post them in the comments.

Happy landings!